It’s taken me months to get the guts to start this blog.
At first, when I realised I could have my own blog, I was excited. I had just come out of a meeting with my photography tutor and another lecturer. We’d talked about how a blog would be the perfect way for me to contextualise the research I do for the herstory website - a place where I could easily show what research I’d been looking at and thinking about.
It turns out it was a lot harder to write than I initially expected. I sat down and started my research (which usually consists of scrolling through numerous blogs that discuss and analyse society from a feminist perspective) for the morning. I scrolled and scrolled. I knew I was interested in all of these things - but what did I have to add to these online conversations? What did I, a young fine arts student with no formal feminist education, have to add to this feminist community?
I still don’t know, but after months of worrying about it, I’ve decided to just write anyway. I’m still scared that my thoughts could get ripped apart by commenters (or worse, internet trolls) but I’ve realised it’s more important to start having an opinion than oppressing it for the sake of feeling comfortable.
It raises a lot of questions for me. Where do these insecurities come from - is it because I’m a woman - would a male student in the same position as me have more confidence to write? I’m honestly not sure. I can only be aware of my own shortfalls with my confidence and hope that by making a stand to share my opinions, I can encourage others to do so, too.
I was recently emailing a friend about this, she’d written an anonymous article and it was great so I mentioned she should start a blog. She wasn’t sure she was ready to express her opinions online yet and she was really enjoying reading what others had to say. I replied with advice I needed myself, and it started to make me think - at what point do we know enough or feel confident to start sharing our opinions online? I know this is a struggle for a lot of writers, and again, I don’t know the answers.
To finish, this blog is not about answers. It’s not about being right or wrong - it’s just a place for me to deconstruct the things I’m reading on the internet or in books or things I see happen and write about them.
This post will still end up in the ‘drafts’ box for a few days, or weeks. I will antagonise over what I’ve written and wonder if I’m being too ‘this’ or too ‘that’. I will realise that too much time has passed and that I should bite the bullet, click post, and enter this into the blogosphere. Whether anyone will read it or not is another story!